April 4, 2017

Dear uncle,

When you left this world I as shocked I didn’t want to say anything I can’t say anything, I was shocked I was at school hanging in the cafeteria with my friends and laughing, I was texting my gradmother they she texted me you died I was there shocked and star Ted blurting things out how your three children and your wife, I didn’t think about you too much that day and I came home my grandma kept telling me your dead and I don’t want to know that, you were my dads best friend you go out for drinks a lot he would always visit you and drink even though my dad less spend time with me it was ok he never probably drink that much in Singapore , I knew he was working for me so this is his happiness to drink with you and other people. My father also don’t like you being away, I feel he can’t accept it the last time he said you was in January you guys were drinking and it was my grandfathers 60th birthday there is a photo my aunt took of you you look happy drinking with your pals. The last time I was you was before you died coming to our house asking for you sisters water or something, you look happy with your friends making jokes I was inside the house, I was happy that I saw you happy beofr you go you know ? Because I feels good to know you were happy. I remember when we’re going to our relatives wedding and we rode in this car where the sits are all side there are no middle sit and to get in you have to go to the back, I was really dizzy and I feel like dying inside the car and I was telling my father to stop the car for a moment but we didn’t stop so when we were close to our destination I was feeling ok, you are joking about how I wanted to.stop the car you, were laughing and you are probably drunk because you were drinking while we were on our way there. So I kinda feel like the universe is telling someone is going to die ? You know I kinds took it as a joke and thought who will die ? As if , I thought of how is someone going to die because I was searching books and I found to books that has dead on them and I loved the description of the books so I love them. After you died I kept thinking of love letters to the dead and how your daughter will love it she probably hate me if I give it to her because you died 2 weeks ago I don’t to give it to her now but maybe I will buy a new love letters to the dead book and give it to her at the right time. You died because of an heart attack I guess ? I don’t know, my grandma told me how you love your daughter so much and in fact you did, I love how your lives is quiet you don’t push your daughter in spending time with their cousins because they don’t want to, I actually want to be in your family because I don’t want to hangout with my cousins, you also love bragging about your son That he made an invention and I think he have a scholarship somewhere abroad, you were also planning to hangout with us in the family picnic not you usually join us but since your.son is graduating you feel like you need you to throw a party , but you died so you don’t get to see him, I wish just before you die you will see one of them graduating but of course you died. Your sisters love you so much the one died last 2013 too you guys are together there wherever you are, my aunt also dreamt that she hear your sister laughing because she isn’t alone anymore but the youngest was left alone to bear all the pain. When it’s time to burry you, me and gradma and aunty walking along with your (I forgot what it is called when I was writing this so they put dead people there in a wooden box) I tried holding it in I looked down but my started to cry for me it couldn’t hold it in it was crying on their own, I remember looking at the people in the church and how much they like you , I told my gradmother why there’s a lot of people and she said “he’s a good person out going and gets all along with everyone, he’ really nice that what happened when you’re nice to people” and I wanted to be like you but I’m not you and started to think what If I’m dead will a lot of people cry ? Will my classmates cry ? Will my friends cry? I shook that feeling away started to think about you, my grandma said we would not walk you to where we would burry you but it felt like you carried us, all of us there and started crying, we stop for a moment and daughter silent cries, your sisters loud cry your wife and your son who was crying and the other who can’t cry, when I heard your sister cry I cried a lot thinking you will leave them behind me , all of us to think of you as someone we loved and cared. Your daughter and I made I contact for a quick second and I think she hates for not coming there in your house to sign in the guest list but I was afraid of social interaction and also afraid I might cry, after I found that your were dead I remember crying in the bathroom and asking why you? Take me instead I don’t have a son or daughter to have to take care of. I remember my uncle making joke about you I don’t like it !, You died and I don’t want to joke about someone as special as you dying, I hope you’re happy with your sister up there looking down at us thinking we she put smiles in our faces. When you also died after a week my father came back here in the Philippines for my passport, he didn’t visit your house or talked to your sister it was sad really grandma told me she told him and my fathers girlfriend said she let him cry and I’m glad she’s there for him when he needed someone the most. When you also died I still can’t believe that you are dead I still can’t. Also you are always hidden before and not hanging with your relatives but this past two years you are starting to hangout​ with us and making great memories and I guess it’s the universe talking and giving hints that you will die soon before you go, you will make wonderful memories and we get a chance to see you happy before you go.I appreciate your existence and I will forever cherish our small memories together even it’s so little of time.

With love
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